So for the time being, if you want to read what I’ve been up to check my twitter feed.

I’ll get the motiviation to start bloging again at some point.

So in the past 5 months I’ve had a lot of big changes in my life, that I’d rather not get into (If you actually know me, then you already know whats was up). Instead I want to talk about one of my favorite things in life,.. food. But this is not a ‘OMG.. this stuff rules’ type of post. Oh no, this is all about ‘WTF? why do they even make that’.

Let’s start with the food that sparked this post. The ‘Buttered Popcorn’ Jelly Belly jellybean.

Seriously, WTF? why do they make this flavor? I don’t think I know anyone who actually likes this jelly bean. It’s like the equivalent to grapefruit in fruit salad. If you eat it along with a handful of other, delicious jellybeans.. no dice. The nasty buttery flavor takes over and ruins the whole experience. Even worse is that it looks similar to the toasted marshmallow jellybean, so even if you pick out all the buttered popcorn, you have to check every 3rd one to make sure, thus subjecting yourself to the horribleness.

Next up.. I’ve never had this product, yet I dont think it needs any explanation why I wonder ‘WTF? why do they make this’.

It’s Chelada by Budweiser. Let me break this down for you. It’s Budweiser (or bud lite) mixed with Tomato Juice+Clam Juice. Yeah… I dont really wonder much, why I’ve only seen this product offered for $2.49 at Walmarts’ in New Hampshire. Jennifer Eblin at associated content, wrote up a good review of her attempt to drink one. read it here

So once again, Budweiser…WTF? I’d rather drink a budweiser + rockstar energy drink + champagne. Which my buddy Mike did on a dare (and won $100 from of me), and it is now offered at our bar with the name ‘the shithead dumbass’ (pronounced she-deed do-moss). And yes I have a bar in my apartment (Something I did during my absence and will surely be writing about).

Honestly I think that’s all I can stomach for the time being (oh the puns). also, I can’t think of anymore at the moment. But fear not I shall be back and I’m positive in the future there will be other eatable items I come across that make me say ‘WTF?.. why do they make that.’

The next day on my way home from I stopped at Walgreen and took a look at the hair trimming products they offered (all top of the line I’m sure). I found a product that was not only affordable ($5), but it was non-electric, durable and therefore eco-friendly (I thought Jill would like that).

Conair Hair Trimmer

So basically it is a comb with a razor blade in the middle.  In my not so capable hands what could go wrong.  So excitedly I get home to show Jill my smart purchase.  After I show it to her, she looks at me with a bit of disbelevment, but I assure her it’ll work great.  We head out to the back deck with the new trimmer, a comb and a pair of kitchen sissors and attempt to cut my hair.

Everything goes ok.  Jill gets the hang of the (as we quickly realized) crappy razor-comb and get my hair trimmed to a respectiful length.  I head into the bathroom to rinse my head, while Jill gets ready for a community meeting she has to go to.  While I’m washing my head, the back feels a bit long to me, no problem I think I can handle this.  So I take the razor-comb, and with out any sort of mirror I use it to shorten the back of my hair.  I also shorten my sideburns a bit, and end up taking out a small chunk of hair. “Uh oh” I say out loud.  Jill, knowing that I’ve done something stupid when I say that, comes running to the bathroom where she sees this.

bad hair

Jill begins to laugh so much she nearly pees her pants.  I have her take a photo so I can see what I’ve done, she says I should just shave it off, but I assure her I can fix it.  Jill runs off to her meeting, and I attempt to do my best to fix my hair, again on my own with out a second mirror.  I manage to get it straightened out, but it looks like I have the haircut of a monk (with a few chunks missing).  But I press forward, put on a baseball cap and deal with it.  It’s only hair and it’ll grow back.

For two days I show people my haircut (or hide it from them) and everyone insits that I should shave it all off.  So finally on saturday night I’m watching TV with Jill and Mike, rubbing my oddly cut head and say, “alright lets do it, lets go shave my head”. We head into the bathroom I stand in the tub and using Mike’s electric hair trimmer (He had one under the sink), Jill shaves off my head. It’ll be no big thing I think, it’ll just look like I have a buzz cut.  But when Jill was all done I step out of the tub, look in the mirror and exclaim “Gah! My head!  I look so weird!”.

So it’ll be something I have a few months to get used to (while my hair grows back).  On sunday Mike and I took a trip to costco and I bought a full trimmer set, so by december when I need a haircut we can do it right. (We also ended up buying an ice maker and a mini fridge for our bar, go figure).  It’s not easy trying to be cheap, but it can lead to some fun/funny situations.

Shaved Head

Most people wouldn’t take me as someone who would want to be a bartender, or have a bartender’s skills.  I think that is because of a misconception in thinking.  People hear someone is a bartender and thinks “well, they must really like booze”, but that’s flawed, a bartender doesn’t get themselves booze, they serve it to others.  I’m not a big drinker, but I’ve always been enticed by what a bartender can do.  They can be given some seemingly random sentence (for example “Give me a wet gimlet with rocks on the side”) and give someone the exact drink they are looking for (A martini with extra lime juice, in a martini glass with the ice in a side glass) it is the perfect pairing of art and science.  In fact I believe Bartending is one of the only literal meanings of a ‘social science’. Think about it, bartenders are mearly social chemists.  They take common elements (almost every drink is composed of one or more of the 5 following alcohols: vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequilla & Triple Sec).  By combining these elements in different ways they produce thousands of products.  It’s truly amazing.

For years I’ve seen flyers for Drinkmasters Bartending School and I have heard great things about the school.  But with the $500 price tag for the course, it was out of my reach finacially.  But a few weeks ago I was on groupon.com (which I visit everyday) and saw that you could enroll in the Drinkmasters course for only $150.  So for $150 I could enroll in a $500 course, get my bartending license and have alot of fun? that’s a no brainer, so I purchased it. (As did my good friend Mike Matterra).

The course was only a week long, four hour classes every night from 6pm-10pm.  You would think that a four hour long class would be brutal, but the way the instructors teach the classes it goes by quick and is wicked fun.  There is no pressure, your there because you want to learn, the instructors are there because they want to teach and everyone has a great time. And the max in each class is only 16 people, so you get to know your fellow classmates and joke with them (just how you would as a real bartender)

Every class started with drink drills (where we would stand behind the bar and the instructor would yell out drink orders and we had to make them).  Monday and tuesday night, nearly everyone struggled to make even the basic drink correctly (including handling the glasses, ices, serving the drink to the customer) but by thursday we were all nearly pros.

I surprised myself, most of the time I can be a bit of a klutz…. I tend to drop things.  But everything clicked for me behind the bar, I was scooping ice, grabing the right bottles, shaking, serving the whole nine yards.  I know I keep saying this, but it was alot of fun.

The course went over the whole spectrum of bartending, from how to properly take a drink order all the way to how to identify and pour wine.  We learned how with just a little bit of knowledge we could make any daqauri, shot, mixed drink & margartias.

Friday night was the big night for the course, it was exam night. Where we would see who would go home a bartender and who would go home a customer.  The exam consisted of a written test and a practical.  The written I found was easy, it was only 25 questions and I knew the answer to all except 1.  I was more nervous for the practical, where you had to actually make drinks.  In fact Myself, Mike and our friend Justin were so nervous that we had arrived at 3pm (3 hours before class started) on Friday to just practice our drink drills.

After the written there was a quick break, and then we had the practical.  Myself, Mike & Justin and two others (our new friends Nellie &  ‘P’) were in the first group of bartenders-to-be to take the practical (it was split up into groups of 4/5 at a time).  I was feeling confident, the instructor explained the guidelines and then gave us each our first drink orders.

I cant exactly explain what happened next, it’s all a blur I was in the bar tending zone. I heard the drink orders and it seamed that before I was even done repaeting the order back to the ‘coustomer’ the drink was made and served and I was getting the next order.  It was… I have to say amazing, I was truly impressed with my self and my classmates.

We all finished our drinks (I was first to finish) and then we’re sent on a break (so that the last waiting group could not grill us on what it was like).  Taking advantage of the 45min break we had and the adrenaline we all had pumping we decided to go around the corner to a local bar.  The one thing about the bartending course, is al week we have been making these colorful, exotic drinks but with colored water.  So they looked good, but were completly undrinkable.

One drink, in particular I had been wanting to try all week, it’s known as a planters punch.  When we first learned it the instructor told us that not many bartenders know how to make this drink and it would be hard to find.  So at the bar I asked the bartender for a planters punch, and what do you know but she didnt know what it was.  I explained how to make it and she proceeded to try. The ting about learning something is that you notice when others are doing it wrong.  For example when the bartender was making me my planters punch I could see all the flaws in her technique, and was taken back (of course it’s no big deal since she did manage to make the drink).  But it was just a wonderment to myself to know that when ever I go out in the future I’ll see these flaws.

After our break we went back to class, when the instructor tallied up everyone’s grades and presented all of us with our certificates of achievement (that’s right 100% of the class passed!). We were all excited.  the instructor then explained how the school should be the resource to us for finding bartending jobs, and that we can comeback at any time for free refresher courses or to practice.

Certified Bartender

Does this mean I’m going to quit my job and become a bartender? Of course not, I love my job and using my college degree.  But if in the future I know that I have a second set of skills in case I need to make extra cash.  For now it’s just a great party trick.

Excited with our new sets of skills Mike and I proceeded to get all the necessary tools to make our home bar an actual bar (as opposed to a cabinet with liquor bottles).  Mike purchased a bartenders kit online with all the tools, and saturday went up to New Hampshire to  get all the tax free booze we would need (about $200 worth).  And sunday we went to the christmas tree shop and bought all the proper glassware.

Home Bar

We now have a bar that any bartender would be proud of, and proceeded to christen it with a couple of home made margaritas. (with no pre-made mix, and they were perfect for the heat wave we had over the weekend).

Margaritas

The whole experience was great.  I learned a lot, made some new friends and had a lot of fun. So before I head to my home bar to make you a margarita I need to know, do you want rocks & salt?

America!

Tacky enough?

Awaiting for me in the basement was a huge pile of junk:

Basement Junk

It was quite alot of stuff to go throu, but I had the whole day (and the new chickenfoot CD to listen too) to go throu it all.  As I started going throu it I started snapping some photos of items so that I could share some of my past with the internet. Because I know the internet wants to know all there is about michael miles.

First up, my trophy from the only year I played little league (have never been a big sports guy).

1993 F.L.B.L Peanut League

You might notice the bat is broken, that’s because I use to use this trophy for science experiments in my bedroom.  I would clip DC chargers from my remote control cars to it and plug them in, to see if I could electrify it? (I don’t know what I was trying to do, guess I’m lucky I never electrocuted myself).

Next up are the race cars I made in middle school shop class (7th grade & 8th grade).

race car 7th grade

race car 8th grade

I never got a change to race them, but I’m sure with my knack for engineering they would of each won. Speaking of middle school I also found my middle school year book.  Looked up my photo, I looked pretty geeky (I was still a wet rag on a coat hanger back then).  Also I found Jill’s photo (hilarious) but she wont let me post it.

FHS

Coming up next, some stuff that is pure badass.   First off are my dog tags from battleship cove, because what kid does not want their own pair of dog tags?

dog tags

To show you how much of a nerd I was am. This is what the dog tags say :

Mike D Miles
USS Matrix B77
Weapons Expert
Framingham MA

Next up is from when I took a trip with my friend Joe and his family to Six Flaggs New Jersey.  Joe and I got one of those olde time photos of us as western badasses.

Wild Wild West

Who at one point in their lives have not gotten an olde time photo?  I think its something everyone experiances once (ony once because after that you realize what a ripoff it is, like getting a characture).

OMG… I cant believe what I found, something my dad helped me put together… A bit of back story before I show the pics.  As a young boy growing up in the 90′s there were two action packed shows I loved.  One was the animated classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  The other.. you guessed it Power Rangers!!

Go, Go Power rangers, du nu nu nu na.

Go, Go Power Rangers, Du nu nu, nu na.

Go, Go Power Rangers you mighty morphing power rangers!

Sorry a bit of nostalgia crept up on me. So yeah I loved the power ranges. Watched them every saturday morning, had the action figures and the trading cards.  Which leads me to my next discovery. ready?

Its my Mint Condition Complete first edition Power Rangers trading card collection (including all the foil cards)!!

Power Rangers!

mint condition

Quick to ebay! Ok after searching ebay I found that this collection is only worth about $15.00 .  I’m sure their value will appreciate in time.

Next up I came across my highschool year book.  The class of 2004.  Highschool not the greatest time in my life (again I’m a nerd and that equals not poular in high school).  But I did have some good time with my friends, speaking of which my friend Janelle was the only one to sign my year book, but I think its a great entry.

FHS

Janelle yearbook sign

For those of you that dont know I was involved with some less then legal co-curricular activities with my firends.  Which was the case when this was written.  If you cant read it it says (children cover your eyes!)

Yo, I dont no what makes you so damn funny but all I know is I laugh so fucking hard wen u talk. AHHHH too many words. MY leg is vibrating.

- Janelle (June 1st 2004)

Although I’ve always been a funny guy, and could make my friend laugh at any point (I almost got Janelle to pee her pants, I’ve also gotten Jill to almost pee her pants)

The summer I graduated high school, was the first summer Jill and I started dating.  For some fun summer activities we held a MGA tournament (Miniture Golf Association).  We tried to go to as many miniature golf courss as possible, and at the end of the summer the winner would get a golden putter. (What ever Jill tells you, really I’m the one who won, its not about points its about style.)

MGA

This next guy is a monkey Jill won for me our first year of college when I came to visit her in Springfield and we took a trip to six flaggs.

green monkey

He’s also featured in one of my all time favorite photos of Jill.  I took it while we were driving back to her dorm.

(When I find the photo I’m talking about I’ll upload it here)

Nothing much more worht writting about.  I went through alot of my books (again, big nerd, big reader).  Here is a shot of about half of them.

books

A box of krusty-o’s I got from 7-11 when the Simpsons movie came out. (they are just really bland frut loops)

KrustyO's

At the end of the day.  I went from that huge pile of junk (See first photo) to this:

cleaned

I was able to relive alot of great memories, get rid of alot of junk, and listen to some great tunes (again check out the chickenfoot cd if you get a chance).

Transformers 2

The plot is a bit weak, but what would you expect from a sequel of a movie thats based on a cartoon series which was created only to promote some of the greatest toys known to man (next to Legos).  But even with it’s weak plot the crowd (myself included) cheered, laughed and sighed with the autobots throughout the whole film.

Plot aside, the action… awesome.  More robot fights, bigger badder desepticons (and some smaller ones).  Funnier more talkative autobots and of course Optimus Prime!  We get to learn a bit about the history of the transformers as well as their pervious encounters with the human race.

Might I also add, Rain Wilson has a funny cameo in the film as Sams astrology proffessor (for the 15min Sam actually attended class).  Also The widwicky (sp?) parents are in the sequal as well, with lightly bigger, more comedic roles.

All in all, I think it was a great film (but take into account I’m someone who owns the entire super troppers trilogy).  It’s deffinetly a must see summer blockbuster. I plan on going again (maybe to IMAX) this weekend, since I got one of the last seats in the edge of the front row, my vision was a bit scewed.

Today spring was in the air and Jill, my roommate Mike and I got the itch to do some spring cleaning. Well actually, Mike and Jill did, I don’t ever feel like cleaning, but I tagged along and helped. We ended up spending the whole day cleaning up just 2 sections of the apartment, our office and living room. It’s amazing, after only being in the apartment for a year how much crap we’ve accumulated. We were able to produce a full bag of trash, a full bag for goodwill, and 2 bins of recycling. Even thou I don’t like cleaning I did enjoy the feeling of accomplishment of getting rid of stuff I didn’t need, and making the apartment more livable and tidy.

I was also able to work on a project I’ve been meaning to build for a while. Over the years I’ve created a nice collection of autographed merchandised and photos of Jill and I with celebrities. So I’ve been meaning to setup a space to showcase them, a.k.a my wall of awesome. First I had to collect all the stuff I wanted to display and do a bit of planning.

awesome stuff

After a few measurements, and a trip to walgreens for some frames and guitar center for a wall mount, I ended up with this:

wall of awesome

I wasent able to get everything on there,  such as the autographed cd/dvd cases (anyone know a good way to mount these on a wall?), and walgreens didn’t have enough 4×6 frames, but I feel its a good start.

Jill and I with (from top left) Dane Cook, Joel McHale, Comedian Bob Marley, Jim Gaffigan, Sapz from the hillman morning show.	Top, autographed Disturbed stuff and a photo of my dad with the band. Bottom, photo of myself with the band and my backstage pass
Autographed photo of anubis from my all time favorite show Stargate	My prized possession, my guitar autographed by Disturbed!

Colligat-visitus (a.k.a College Parents)

colligat-visitus

These tourists can be found around Boston colleges.  They are mainly seen loading and unloading cars with boxes full of crap. Careful observation will show they also spend alot of time making their offspring feel socially awkward around their peers.

Redsox-fanus (a.k.a Redsox Fans)

Redsox-fanus

Found around the back bay area these tourists can be spotted by their plumage of nothing but Redsox gear.  They mostly travel in small drunken herds and can get very aggressive towards locals and the worst tourist type Yankeee-fanus (yankee fans).

Lostin-cityis (a.k.a Lost in the city)

Lostin-cityis

Found through out the city with a bewildered expression on their face, these tourists are mostly found with a map in front of their face, which causes them to walk in large circles and get in locals way.  Also can be seen riding in the wrong direction and paying close attention to every stop while riding on the T.

Oldis-noshirtus (a.k.a old men with no shirts)

oldis-noshirtus

For those of you that are squeamish, be warned. This version of tourist comes out on the hottest weekend.  They display their old man boobs in attempt to cool down (like a dog panting) and in some cases in an attempt to attract mates.  Most noticeable feature is a leather like hairy red chest.

Swanboatus-ridus

Swanboatus-ridus

These tourists will wait an hour in a line full of screaming offspring to ride 10 minutes around a pond.  Can be spotted carrying diaper bags and having sticky hands (from offspring who have eaten too many pbj sandwiches).  Closely related to Duckboatus-ridus (duck boat riders), who can be seen roaming around the streets of boston, communicating by quaking.

This is just a sampling of the different types of tourists that visit the city, but the season is young, and more will flock.  Jill and I will be there to observe and educate, so that you might be able to spot tourists on your own.

I’ve been riding my bike to work for the last 2 weeks, and I plan on doing so for the summer, its faster then the T, and hey the weather is nice. As some of you may know I live on a hill, so every morning my bike ride starts out with a ride down St.Alphonsus st.

st_alphonsus

Usually this is a good start to my ride.  I apply my brakes so I dont go too fast, and head down the hill.  This morning however, I was running a bit late so I said ‘screw the brakes’ and flew down the hill at full speed.

At the end of the hill there is a major intesection, and all the cars were stopped at a red light.  Coming down I thought I would be able to squeeze past the last stopped car and the cars parked on the street, but at the last minute I realized I couldnt and slammed on my brakes.

**** Things get a bit fuzzy here ****

I slammed my rear brakes and my back tire causes my bike to swerve sideways, I start to recover but my momentum causes my body to be gin to flip over my bike.  I try to swerve my bike to the side again.  The appropt stop causes my to fly sideways (forwards down the hill) and SLAM I hit face first into the rear bumper of the stopped SUV.(According to Jill) I bolted straight up and then fell down.

Jill starts yelling ‘Oh my god Michael are you ok?????’ and as I get up I say ‘yeah I’m fine’, but then Jill see’s the huge bloody gash across my left cheek.

bike_accident

*** This part is really fuzzy ***

The guy get’s out of his SUV, a bystander calls 911, and I am in a daze. Jill says we need to go to the emergency room, I agree and the guy I hit offers to take us.  So we lockup our bikes to a nearby fence.  The guy has his kid get out of the car (he must of been driving him to school at the bottom of the hill, bet that kid had a cool story to tell his friends), Jill and I get in.  He hands me some napkins to apply to my face. The photo above is in the ER after I wiped most of the blood away with the napkins)

On the way to the ER I have Jill call my work to inform them that I’ll be late, they seem very understanding from their response ( from what Jill tells their response was ‘No shit!! I hope he’s ok, if he needs a ride let us know’).

In the ER I tell the nurse behind the desk (and everyone who asked me what happened) that I face planted into the back of a truck.  They take me into a room, ask me some medical questions, insurance provider, if I can remember dates, ect…  Then the take me back into the ER and place me in a room.  Jill told me they told her she couldn’t come with me becuase they had to ask me if I had been abused at my home (aka if she had done this to me).

As I’m waiting things become less fuzzy, and as my body comes out of shock the pain starts creeping up on me.  Obviously my face starts killing, but so does my hand, that’s when I notice the huge gash on my pinky finger.  Both arms are scrped up and so are my knees.

The doctor comes in takes a look, asks me what happened and says it looks like i’ll need some stitches.  First he wants me to go get a CAT scan to make sure I didnt break my cheek bone.  He says it’ll be a few minutes, gives me some gauze pads and lets me wait.

15 minutes later a nurse comes in and gives me some pain killers, and leave me to wait some more. After another 20 minutes another nurse finally comes and takes me to get my CAT scan.  I get the scan, the operater asks me if I’m missing any classes (becuase I’m wearing my WIT sweatshirt) and I’m brought back to my room.

**** things get cool here ****

A camera guy comes into my room.  Apperently ABC is doing a documentary on the hospital and/or the doctor who is treating me, and he wants to know if I wouldnt mind being on camera.  A chance to be on TV? hell yeah, I dont care how hurt I am.  So I sign the waiver, and get interviewed quickly by the camera guy about what happened.

The doctor comes back, with good news, No bones are broken in my face.  Bad news, I’ll have to get a few stitches and a tetanus shot.

Jill is allowed to come back to see me, She had gone and gotten our bikes and brought them home.  So she comes back to watch me get stitched up.

The doctor comes with back with the the sature cart and camera guy.  He begins by telling me this is going to be the worst part.  They need to inject a nerve blocker (aka anateshia) into the area, but… they have to go in through my mouth.  That’s right, he took a needle and from my upper gums injected the nerve blocker into my cheek. That part sucked.

He then did a test with a needle to see how numb the area was, but I could still feel it.  So he injected some more, once again through my mouth.  I laid down, he put some covering over my face and prepped the area.  He was talking alot and explaining everything(I think this was more for the camera than it was for me).  He asked me if I could feel him poking, and I said a little bit.  He told me that the nerve blocker must of been working, or else I would  of  been in extreme pain.

He asked jill if she could move a light over to him and turn it on, and after he did that he says to her ‘Ok now I’ll just need you to make four stitches across here for me, jokingly.  Of course Jill answers ‘Sur eno thing, give me the tools’.  I had to intervene and tell him not to let her, if given the chance she would of attempted it.

He stitched me up, bandaged me up and then took a look at my finger.  It was a nice big cut but it wasent deep so he just cleaned it and bandaged it up.  As the doctor was cleaning up Jill said ‘Thank god he was wearing his helmet’.  And the doctor agreed.  He said from the way it sound how I hit the car.  If I hadent been wearing my helmet it would of been a completly different situation.  We’re talking about more then likely severe brain damage, broken skull, ect..

Just about when I thought I was done a nurse came in to give me a tetanus shot. Damn, I forgot about that.  So she gives me the shot, and as she pulls out the needle blood comes squirting out my arm. Whoops, I guess I had too much.

I come out of the ER only to be greeted by my mother and grandmother.  Jill, in her slightly freaked out state had called just about everyone to tell them what happened.

Now I’m relaxing at home, with a slight headache and a continually swelling face.  But good thing I was wearing my helmet, or it would of been alot worse.

Ok, time to rest.

cleaned_up

**** UPDATE: DAY 2 ***

Bonus pics from day 2.

My swollen face:

swelling

My pinky gash

pinky